I am a free spirit with a passion for helping others uncover joy.
My mission is to bring joy to millions of people who rocked a craptastic upbringing. Through grueling rounds of therapy at many points in my life I got myself to a joyous life at the ripe age of 49. By helping people many years younger, the trajectory of their lives can be hugely improved so they rock many
more years of joy than I have.
For decades, I gave my resources (the ‘f*cks’) away. My money, time, care, concern, focus, skills, all the resources I gave away. Natch, this showed the world that I held myself at zero value. Therefore, I was treated as worthless. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” By using all my resources for others without them even asking, I exhibited that I saw myself as lacking value. When ya do that, advantage-takers will gravitate towards you and reinforce your low opinion of yourself.
Has focusing on life’s sh!t storms worn you down to a nub? Have negative thoughts and obstacles battered you into thinking your life cannot be joyous? Does living authentically seem a pipe dream to you, an unattainable state of being? Does the impossibility of living well suck your soul from your body? Do life’s relentless demands subjugate your excitement for living? I spent DECADES struggling to break free of seeing only obstacles and barriers.
Now that I have a system for defeating that perspective, I am sharing it with as many people as possible because there is zero reason to live joylessly, zero reason to live masquerading as anyone other than your beautiful, miraculous self.
Working with me, as your life coach, means you will…
Hello, ya beautiful creature! Thanks for popping into my corner o’ goodness. I want to share my perspective from decades of adulting so you can save yourself some pain. The f*ckery & shenanigans that I perpetrated in my twenties (and let’s face it, in my 30s and 40s) resulted in some colossally poor decision making and unnecessary hardship. Looking back, I could have used someone to share their experiences and insights. Let me be that person for you.
Some poor choices we can blame on ignorance. Let’s avoid the willful ignorance, though. We are incredibly capable of creating a world that is how we want it to be. That can be motivational, but I would have been better served seeing what was before me. Had I made choices based on how people treated me and what they did rather than what they told me, I wouldn’t be writing this book.
I believed what people told me. It was an odd sort of naivete considering I spent seventh grade sneaking into university beer bashes on their quad. I inherently knew I was a good person and I looked for someone damaged as I was and looking to be better. I loved me some transformations of someone on the wrong path who just needed to be loved and understood (cue the barforama). I actually thought that my love could make a romantic partner better, as if we are all actually striving to be the best we can or in a rom-com.
Do yourself a favor and remind yourself as often as necessary that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. My second marriage was to a very clever and charming womanizer and *quelle surprise* he had a ripping collection of nudie shots from young women. Once the evidence piled up (way up), I had no choice but to see the truth. He hit the curb and I hit the doctor. Thankfully my lab work was uneventful.
Since I chose self deception to such a deep degree, I realized that I was responsible for the devastation I felt. If we ignore reality then the responsibility for any pains may lie with us. This sort of inability to see how people and situations really are is what I call willful ignorance. I was absolutely willfully ignorant of who I married. I rejected that archaic idea that I am the reflection of my spouse.
Think about how you see partners or associates/buddies/besties/etc. Humans are wired for quick decisions. Our survival depended on it. That is why we take a shortcut and consider members of a group/couple as a blended entity. If your closest friends are chuckleheads, opportunists, cruel, or anything you think is bad, decide if that is how you want to be. Staying in that friend group will make it oh-so-easy for you to become as they are.
If you are considering a relationship with someone whose friends exhibit unappealing behavior, back up. Steady the hormones and look clearly at who this person is and compare that to how you describe them to your associates. Do you hear yourself defending your prospective paramour against judgmental comments? Are they cruel for fun/laughs?
I was warned by my sister, just a year older than I am, that I should reconsider my choice of first husband. She relayed concerns from her friends, all of whom I had known since kindergarten. They were intelligent and kind people.
My irrational and self-destructive reaction? They were jealous because I was the one he wanted to marry and we were going to have such an amazing life. My well-being was not a factor in that decision since I had already scripted how our lives would be. I did not see his character or personality fully or even realistically.
He divorced me after six years because I didn’t have my CPA so I couldn’t fully support us while he made movies at his leisure. What I didn’t understand at the time: I was creating a volatile and terrifying home for myself since it was so familiar. I lacked understanding of how to allow people to treat me. I didn’t even get that I was the gatekeeper to which people I allowed into my life.
Please note, not much of this is applicable if you are rocking promiscuity. That is another situation. Please do remember not to lie. There are many who will believe whatever rosy mistruths you utter in the moment. If you are unable to discuss the basics of knocking boots–STDs, birth control–just don’t. Too much harm can come from that.
Lesson: See fully the character of those who surround you. Are you making up storylines about how great someone is while they exhibit the behavior of a person with low character? Are you spending a lot of time with people who sling blame for every woe that befalls them? While you are at it, how might you take responsibility for your harmful ridiculata.
Character to me is the basics of a human being that I want in my life: striving to better themselves, facing life squarely, knowing they will get through whatever happens, and seeking joy in the maelstrom.
You do not need to know HOW you will get through something to know that you WILL get through it.